New Year, New Me!

Isn't that statement what everyone say's when they ring in the new year. What happens when you have to mean it and really create a "New Me"? What if your life counts on it?

My ringing in the New Year did not start on New Years Eve. It began December 1, 2021 at 3:42pm, when my world completely changed. The meaning of 'ringing in the New Year' has morphed into something I do not recognize.

New Year's resolutions

One of my favorite parts of the year is to create my New Year's resolutions. It is an opportunity to create your goals and dreams for the year to come.

This year my New Year's began in the same fashion it does every year; Christmas has come and gone, and it was time to write my New Year's resolutions! Like every year the typical resolutions made the list; eat healthier, exercise regularly, travel more, and so forth. Then there were the ones that I had made with my heart and hopes for the future; take the LSAT, apply to law school, find a para-legal job, and so forth. Then there were to more attainable goals; travel to 5 new locations, enjoy 10 new restaurants ... you get the picture.

When it all changed.

This is how it all started ... I have been on a journey trying to figure out why I have been in chronic pain for a few years. We finally had a diagnosis, fibromyalgia! Thank goodness for some answers. However, that was not my only health concern. On December 1st at 3:42pm, I was informed that I have been diagnosed with Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, Stage 4 Cirrhosis, compensated liver. This is not how I pictured starting 2022!

Creating new resolutions for 2022.

The resolutions that I had made for the New Year, now seem foolish at best.

When recreating my resolutions, I looked at the list I had and realized many can stay; "eat healthier, exercise regularly, travel more, and so forth". Both "eat healthier, exercise regularly" do not seem like resolutions anymore. These two are not just goals, but the weapon I have to use to battle NAFLD cirrhosis. This fight is one that I do not have a choice in, not really. It is either eat healthy, exercise regularly, attend all of my medical appointments, listen to my doctor's advice, or have this disease take my life even sooner than I am ready for. On a positive note, "travel more" is something that I am even more inspired to do than ever before. Once this pandemic gets to a place where I would feel safe to travel, I am exploring this beautiful world!

There are some resolution changes that broke my heart. Law school. I have dreamt about going to law school for so many years. The goal was still achievable, it still made sense. That is not the case anymore. In theory, I could still take the time to study for the LSAT, get into law school, go to law school, study for the bar, take the bar, etc... On my new list of priorities and what matters in my life now, this did not make the cut. I do not see the value of spending the time I do have spent on law school. I need my time to be spent focusing on my health, attending my medical appointments and my cancer screenings, be with my family and loved ones, travel, have a job with medical, and all of the things that would be difficult to do as a law student. The value is no longer there for me. Closing the door on this dream hurt. I wept in the shower, so deep from within my soul, that it would have made a dog whine. I wept the death of that dream, to letting it go.

Then the new dream was born.

The new dream is born.

What is the new dream for me? Aside from great health...this blog! I decided to use this plot twist in my life in a positive way. Make my liver disease, make sense. Give it purpose. I do not understand why this would happen otherwise. If someone can read my research, my thoughts, my work, and it helps them, then at least all of this has purpose. Many of my resolutions now have to do with my blog, and that gives me hope for the future.

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Thank you for reading my blog! I hope everyone has a wonderful 2022 filled with health, joy, and happiness.